Really I did. I was laying in the bed the other night having a conversation with Jesus. Asking for guidance in a specific area of my life and as I’m listening I felt I knew my next step. I was happy. I was thankful for His direction. So with a half grin on my face, I winked at Him. You know the kind of wink. The wink that says “I understand. You got this. I think we’re on the same page now. Thanks for speaking.” Then I laughed at myself. Who winks at Jesus?
This may seem extremely silly, and it kind of is. But it really captures a season that I’ve been going through in my life. I’ll speak vaguely b/c the details aren’t important. The lesson is the real reason I write today.
We all go through seasons in life. Ups / downs. Trials and successes. Recently we’ve faced a challenge in one specific area of our lives. At first I displayed my response through a spiritual temper-tantrum. Not pretty, but it really did happen. But then I realized that this was an area in our lives that has been a reoccurring struggle. So I committed to the Lord that I would walk through this HIS way. I read James 1 and prayed that I would find joy in the midst of my trial. I asked that HE would produce a maturity in us that we haven’t had in this area of our lives. And then I read Hebrews 12 — vs 5-6 “My son, do not make light of the Lord’s discipline, and do not lose heart when he rebukes you, because the Lord disciplines those he loves, and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son.” vs 11 “No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. LATER ON, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.”
Now I’m probably like most people in the sense that I don’t initially care for a swift kick in the pants. However, through my recent challenges I have been reminded that God is not doing this TO me, but He is doing this FOR me. Bad habits had gotten me into a rut that I didn’t know how to climb out of. I didn’t even want to pray about it b/c I figured it was just the rotten fruit of what I had sewn. But this time when I felt the Lord rebuke me, I didn’t resist. Maybe a little at first but then I decided to truly let HIM weed out some things in my life. That decision led to a peace that I cannot explain. My situation isn’t really all that different. But my perspective sure is. All this time I’ve been holding tight to my way of doing things and the results haven’t been that great. But since releasing control, I’ve seen God work out details that I could never have done. I’m digging my heals in and anticipating that “LATER ON” that He talks about in Hebrews 12. But in the mean time, I’m going to accept this discipline. I’m going to be thankful that He loves me enough to allow me to go through this. And let’s be honest, when I see Him working out details and leading my family…..I’ll probably wink again.